How I became an expert in Honda CRVs
“Do you have silver?”
Only one or two left. Silver’s a very popular color. It's actually the color people associate with Honda nowadays.
“What’s LX?”
It’s the base model.
“Does it have the moving seats?”
The power seat adjustment? No, you need to get the leather option for that. That starts at the EX-L.
“EX-L”
That’s right.
“And it comes with leather?”
…Yes.
“What’s the price difference?”
Well it depends on the year. This is a 2014, we have a lot of good deals on 2014 models. We do have a few new 2015s in limited quantites. The 2015 model is actually the first model where you can get power seats without getting leather. That's the EX.
"Is this one a 2015?"
No, 2015. We have 2014s in the backlot.
"Can I go see one? I like silver."
Sure. Let's go pick one that you like and you can take it for a test drive.
"Ok. Can you show me the cheapest one?"
Yes, that will be the LX model though.
"What's LX? Maybe I want that one."
My name is Dan and I'm a former car salesman.
The background for this story starts with a conversation like this:
Mom: You should drive down for Christmas.
Me: Why?
Mom: So we can take your car.
Me: Wait what?
Mom: And you can get another one.
Me: When were you going to tell me about this?
How does this conversation come about?
My mom’s version of the story: Dan doesn’t like his car. It doesn’t have any power and he needs it to go up and down hills to get to work. I’m going to do him a favor and take his car so that he can buy a new one. Hopefully not a BMW. I need a new car anyway, and don’t trust other used cars.
The story I heard: My mom wants a new car to replace their ailing Volkswagon Jetta. She doesn’t want to buy a brand new car, because it’s a lot of money, it’s a pain, and they’d probably dent it everywhere (see Honda Odyssey). They also don’t want to buy a used car because they don’t trust used cars, unless it’s from someone they know, for example, me. They’ll pay me for the car and I’ll go get another one.
The real story: Mom thinks I hate my car. Because once I said that some hybrids—mainly mine—aren’t awesome for some of Seattle’s natural urban geography. She does want a new car, and thinks she can use this situation to do something nice for me (cue appropriate ‘aww’). But what she doesn’t tell me, is that she really doesn’t want my car, she wants a Honda CRV.
We sort things out. I’m actually satisfied with my car. Yeah, I’d take a new car, but who wouldn’t? I’m not helping her if I give her my car which isn’t what she wants. So she should just get a new one.
I offer to help go with her to the Honda dealership the next day.
I regret that so much.
Our visit to the first dealership is really a study in how to be a car salesperson.
Let's call the sales guy, Pete. I explain my mom's looking for a car--probably a CRV but who knows.
Pete obliges and takes my mom to a CRV. It's new. 2015. Touring model. She gets in the driver's seat and fidgets around with the controls. Asks about how to move the chair. The steering wheel. The mirrors.
I recently picked up some car knowledge courtesy a good friend in Seattle. So I butt in with a few questions about engines, transmission, you know, the innards of the beast.
Pete quickly answers, and is overjoyed when I ask to peek under the hood.
"Go for it!" he says, and then quickly returns to my mom. He starts talking about how convenient power-adjusting seats is. Backup cameras.
Suddenly I realize, he's pegged (correctly) who the real buyer is here, and has found a way to get me to go away.
He starts talking colors. The feel of leather. Using phrases like "is this the one." He's trying to get her attached to a specific vehicle. And then take it for a test drive. I'm somewhat impressed.
Too bad he doesn’t know that part of her isn’t paying attention. He’s showing her LXs because at one point she mentioned the 'cheapest model.' She wants the power seats. And well, you need an EX-L for that. At least for 2014 models.
Which is why after a couple hours of question-and-answer and even some negotiation, she doesn’t end up buying. He shows her a great deal. Her final question is:
"Does it have the power seats?"
No? Well, no dice.
He’s disappointed for sure. Probably thinks he’s been outplayed strategically.
Indecision is a form of strategy.
Journal entry. Day one, Hour #4.
We’re at the Honda dealership in next-door Concord. Only to see if the prices are any different. Despite the fact that we’ve already seen and test-driven a CRV, my mom wants to know if she can see the insides. Sit in it. Because...it might feel different?
All the same questions are being asked. LX. EX-L. 2014 vs 2015. What’s all-wheel drive? Do you have silver? What's a moon roof? Does it have the power seats?
Lots of questions about price. For each combination. Pete 2.0 is listing off all sorts of contraptions my mom knows nothing about. Keyless entry. Sirius XM. Pandora.
She's uncompromising about color. She really wants silver. Not 'Modern Steel.' Not 'Urban Titanium.' Silver. I'm surprised neither Pete nor Pete 2.0 have tried raising the price on color alone.
And then there's the kicker: What’s my opinion? I don't know why my opinion suddenly matters. I don't want a CRV. I don't know what makes sense for her. I'm not even sure she's really my mom since she's never, ever, ever wanted leather or power adjusting seats. But all of a sudden she goes: "I want the most expensive one." Huh?
I should have known something was wrong when I walked into their house and the heater was on. Since I was a kid, the heater was never on.
"We felt like treating ourselves."
File that under my parents' list of #thingsnobodysays
A picture is worth a thousand words?
Anything below the dotted line has, you guessed it, power adjusting seats.
Abridged text message exchange between me and my brother.
Ugh why are we back at walnut creek dealer if mom isn’t buying. // She just wants to see “which car she wants.”
She called me and said she wants the 2014 // They have the silver one right?
I don’t know anymore. I’m starting to think I’m the crazy one.
Haha // Is she going to buy today?
No
I thought she was ready
I don’t even know // This is why I think I’m crazy
So you guys are just there to shoot the breeze?
I don’t know // Mom is literally asking the same questions she did yesterday // Even after I wrote some of the differences on paper
She prob doesn’t remember
She just comes into my room and says can you come and look at cars with me // By the way bring the Jetta to see if they’ll take it // And then I said well we better take all the stuff out so that we can give it away
Haha wonder how much you’d get for the jetta
And then she said why? We’re not buying today. // So then I’m all why are we going!?!?
Lol
“Because I want to look to see which car I want.”
I thought she already knew what she wanted.
Screenplay for the movie: Family stonewalling is also a viable strategy
INT. – HONDA FINANCE DEPARTMENT (EVENING)
It’s dim outside.
NICE FINANCE GUY
So, would you like the 3-year warranty
or the 5-year warranty?
DAD
It’s hard talking about the future.
Who knows what will happen
even a couple days from now?
NICE FINANCE GUY
You know that's a good point.
That’s why 5 years isn’t
a bad idea. Lots of things happen.
DAD
I don’t know. I might not even
be around in 5 years
Beat. Awkward silence.
NICE FINANCE GUY
(laughs)
Don’t say that!
MOM
(to Dan)
Dan, what do you think?
DAN
Why are you asking me?
MOM
I want your opinion.
DAN
Is $1200 worth an extra 2 years?
MOM
I don’t know. What do you think?
Repeat the last 5 sentences 4 times.
NICE FINANCE GUY
(frustrated)
Okay, guys, I do need to wrap up
here. How about I’ll give you a
7-year warranty at an
amazing deal.
MOM
Okay.
res·ig·na·tion
ˌrezəɡˈnāSH(ə)n/
noun
the acceptance of something undesirable but inevitable.
"a shrug of resignation"
synonyms: fatalism, acceptance
"he accepted his fate with resignation"
EXAMPLE SCENARIO:
Brother: “So what kind of car did you get?”
Mother: “We bought a CRV EX-L.”
Self: “Mom, you bought an LX.”
Mother: “Really? What’s the difference?”